If you have ever lived through a toxic mother-daughter relationship, you may have questions on if you have a mother wound and how does the mother wound show up in your life.
Mother wounds can develop early in the womb and even into adulthood. It can make a child grow up feeling unloved, rejected, and pushed to the side lines.
It is important to learn the root causes of mother wounds because as you may know, if wounds are left untreated, they can get infected or put simply negatively impact how you relate to your child. It can also impact how your child grows up to see herself in the eyes of God.
What is a Mother Wound?
Mother wounds is trauma that a mother experiences from childhood and passes on that trauma onto her own child. Children inherit the trauma as their own which then shapes how they view themselves through the concept of motherhood.
Mother wounds are usually seen through a mother-daughter relationship and in homes of those that believe that the woman must suppress her true feelings or live to please others by sacrificing their true wants and desires.
How Mother Wounds Manifest
Mother wounds can manifest in several ways:
- You can encounter a mother wound in the womb ( in utero),
- Through narcissistic abuse from your mother when she raised you.
- From your own mother’s sexual trauma that may have been passed down to you
- Any verbal abuse that was used to inflict harm to your mind and heart.
Root issues to overcome
There are several root issues to overcome and to be aware of on your journey towards healing from mother wounds.
Below are just a few for you to look over and pray about.
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Mothers that pass on mother wounds onto their children usually have experienced trauma from their own mothers. Mothers who have been rejected, abandoned, verbally and emotionally abused without any ability to self-regulate or cope with the trauma, will often take this as their own persona.
There are many women who have come from households that have learned to suppress their emotions and pain. They have been taught at an early age that emotional trauma is not to be discussed in the home.
I can remember sharing with my own mother the first time that I was sexually molested by a friend in the family. I wept in her arms, afraid to tell her the details of what happened to me that day.
Pain gripped me, but I clung to my mother in hopes that she would tell me “ it’s okay, I will protect you now.” But sadly, that did not happen for me. My mother only patted my back and told me to go back to sleep.
I can only imagine that she responded in the way that she learned from her mother, which is to be silent on matters of sexual trauma. Her mother’s wound of not being able to heal from her past was passed on from my grandmother to my mother, then to me. Thankfully, by God’s grace and the blood of Jesus, I was completely healed and set free.
2. The Mother’s childhood experiences
Mothers’ childhood experiences can play a role in mother wounds. For instance, there are mothers who grew up in households where they were seen but not heard. Mothers who are abandoned or rejected at an early age are prone to experience mother wounds.
When a mother is abandoned, this causes her to operate with an orphan mentality or “orphan spirit.”
An orphan is a child without parents and a place to call home. Therefore, a mother that grows up with this persona usually deals with the inability to understand how to live as a child.
There is always a sense that something is missing, broken, or lacking. Similar to an anxious child that waits at the window, hoping for mommy to come back home, but realizing as the hours, days, years go by that mommy is not coming back home. Suddenly, the adult mom has to begin mothering what was left behind.
Scripture says that God will never leave his children as orphans. He calls his children sons of God. Being a son comes with all the inheritance of God; HIs kingdom, riches, and glory.
3. Children Inherit the Trauma
Children can inherit mother wounds when the mother is not able to heal from the trauma of their mother. The mother begins to identify with the mother wound and not with her true authentic self as a parent to her child.
The mother wound will show up in as a mother who is not able to model appropriate coping strategies to deal with difficult matters that arise in their child’s upbringing. For example, a mom that gives her child the silent treatment when she is not able to punish and control her daughter’s behavior.
Silent treatments are a form of emotional abuse and can be psychologically damaging towards the child.
Silent treatment is when a person refuses to speak with you. It can also look like a person, who will use short responses. Personally, I have dealt with short responses that were filled with hurtful words. If left uncheck, the child will recognize that pain of being rejected (the effect of silent treatments) and the other feelings that come with being rejected; shame, guilt, and hurt.
Related Article:Childhood Trauma in Adulthood: How to Heal
4. The Mother Daughter Relationship
The wound from the mother transfers to the daughter. This can start as early as the child is developing in the womb.
There is a condition called rejection in utero ( i.e., rejection in the womb). When a mother experiences rejection as a child, this can manifest into rejecting other aspects of her life as adult, including having a child.
The mother may see the child as a burden, a daily reminder of regrets ( especially if it was an unplanned pregnancy), and a visual reminder of unhealthy belief systems that need to be passed down to her daughter.
If you have experienced mother wounds, consider booking a 15 minute coaching session. I help moms discover their authentic self in God and heal from mother wounds.
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Encouraging Scripture verse:
To redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.
Read more about mother wounds and trauma in motherhood :