Would you like to learn how to spot a narcissistic mother?

Narcissistic mothers raise their children to fail in life through manipulation, shame, guilt, and emotional abuse.  They shape their children to be confused about their identity, their purpose, and how they can receive and give love to others.

narcissistic mother

When you mother with abuse your child will confuse love with pain

— Jen

“Love is not abuse” 

As a young child, I was bubbly, happy, and a curious learner of all things. I would often look up at my mother, applying make-up, and I wanted to be just like her. I would say “ mommy, lipstick” while pointing to my puckered lips and my nose turned towards her direction. She would glide that red lipstick onto my lips, and I would climb onto the bed to face the mirror with her eyes  looking back at me with a smile. 

The emotional abuse of a narcissistic mother

But those sweet memories faded into scary and anxiety provoking realities.

Things started to change once I stepped into my teenage years. I realized that my mother started to change into a woman that was often accusatory, blame-shifting, and manipulative. Some words cut really deep to the core of my being.  Verbal abuse was often laced with guilt and shame.  

The revelation that I received in hindsight, is that my mother was looking back at a former version of herself— innocent and curious to explore life without fear and childlike faith.

Parent and child covering mouth

Read related posts on the top hurtful words parents say. Learn how to stop saying words that can be spiritually and mentally damaging towards your child.

Verbal abuse sayings of a narcissistic mother:  

“ Look at all I’ve done for you” 

“ You are so “green” ( slang for being mean or disgusting)

“ You never help anybody”

“ You make me want to kill myself”

“ you are so fat” ( while lifting up your  shirt to expose your  belly) 

“ I wish I would have crushed you” 

“ You ( curse word inserted ) after I did something that she did not like

Related article: Characteristics of godly mother- 7 signs. Learn how to be a godly mother so that you can mother your child with the love of God.

Narcissistic mothers are controlling 

My mother was happy when I gave  into her constant criticism of me and did exactly what she wanted me to do. She asked me to handle her bank accounts, book her doctor appointments, and sign her documents. I was her own personal secretary. 

Like me, your narcissistic mother probably told you who could be your friends and when you were allowed to see them.

Things like special celebrations ( birthdays, award ceremonies, proms) were probably the worst moments of your life because she always seemed to take the attention off you and onto her.

Narcissistic Mothers will Love Bomb You

My narcissistic mother would tell me how much she loved me after I fulfilled her wishes.

I remember the intensity of my mother’s affection towards me. We would go shopping, eat lunch together, and all seemed to be well with the world. I would often think that I was being a good daughter if I just kept my mother happy. 

Narcissistic mothers will love bomb their children and will go through an endless cycle of hating you intensely to showing affection towards you. This is how trauma bonding occurs with a mother and child. The child ends up trying to measure up to the mother’s expectations of being the “good son” or ” good daughter” in fear that the mother’s love will suddenly be taken from them.

Related article: Real Life sayings of narcissistic mothers to their sons

Narcissistic mothers over value self-image

My narcissistic mother expected my life to look socially successful. I remember after graduating from high school, I decided that I wanted to study speech language pathology. My mother told me that it was a worthless degree. She wanted me to become a nurse because according to her ” nurses made more money.”

Narcissistic mothers will make you feel shame for any achievements that threaten their personal image of what success should look like.  They want to look more important than others in society by sporting a fancy car, house, jewelry, and a child who goes to the best school.

Narcissistic mothers will invalidate your feelings and emotions

I remember telling my mother when something she said hurt me or if I felt strongly about a matter. I would usually get the same response, “ who cares what you think” or I would get the dismissive hand, as if she was pushing away a fly. 

Narcissistic mothers will invalidate your feelings by gaslighting you when you remind them of things that they have done wrong to you. This is a defense tactic to get you to feel confused about your understanding of their abusive actions towards you.

Have you experienced narcissistic trauma or abuse from your mother? I help parents experience freedom from childhood trauma so that they will be able to parent their children with love and grace. Sign- up for your first 15 minute coaching session with me!

Learn more about narcissistic mother series here:

Real Life Sayings of Narcissistic Mothers to their Sons

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