Want to learn how to heal from mother wounds as a parent? Are you a mother that had a traumatic relationship with your mother as a child? Learn effective strategies to heal with just 8 easy steps .

1)  Detach from the wound by asking Holy Spirit to heal your heart 

There are two phases of healing from mother wounds. First is the detachment phase which is the letting go of expectations. This is divorcing and cutting the cord of unhealthy trauma that was connected to your experiences with your mother.  

Your mother’s role was to nurture you after giving birth to you. If she failed to nurture you as a child then you can begin receiving nourishment through the power of the Holy spirit. 

You can detach from an unhealthy soul tie with your mother by saying a simple prayer like this:

Dear God, 

I acknowledge that I have mother wounds and I need you to heal me.  I detach from the trauma of not being loved, nurtured, and cared for by my mother. I realize that she did not have the capacity to mother me the way you intended. 

2)  Attach to the Father’s love for you with the help of the Holy Spirit ( the comforter)

The second phase is the attachment phase which is receiving God’s love and His ability to parent your heart ( nurse it back to health) in His way.  His way brings true freedom and restoration of motherhood in your heart.  Invite the nurturer,  the Holy Spirit to comfort you and gently soften your heart.

In godly motherhood this may be difficult or foreign to you. You might be asking yourself, what exactly is healthy attachment to the Father’s heart. Attachment to the Father’s heart is simply resting in Him and realizing that you do not have to do anything to be known as His child. He accepts you for who you are, His daughter that He will care for eternity. 

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Learn more about the godly characteristic of a mother- 7 Signs

3) Set Boundaries 

As an adult, you may have problems with setting boundaries with toxic people.

Growing up, my mother would tell me to not let others know when they were hurting me. Her reason was to protect the feelings of the person. This trained me to be a people-pleaser overtime. If you were like me, this may have been your story too. 

You also may not be able to say no  because of the need to rescue or be the hero. The mother’s wound distorts the heart of caring for others and causes you to have a performance mindset. In the long run, the person that really gets hurt, is YOU.

4) Learn Who You Are Without Your Mother

If your mother looked to you to take care of them as a parent this is a sign of codependency. Mothers who have mother wounds have an unhealthy attachment to their children and will try to control them.

Codependent mothers will also try to manipulate your emotions to do what they want you to do. Accept who you are without your mother by appreciating your uniqueness and personality in the eyes of God. You are stronger than you think you are in God. He made you to be strong in Him and to rely on Him. 

5) Learn to self-soothe in healthy ways

If your mother did not nurture you well when you were a child or taught you how to deal with difficult emotions, you may look to things that are harmful such as drinking excessively, addictions, suicide, and unhealthy attachments with people in attempts to self- soothe. 

Being nurtured is being loved and comforted. Nurture is a need that is expressed on a mother’s breast when a child is a baby. But that nurturing needs to continue after the infancy stage. 

But how does this happen?

It is by the power of the  Holy Spirit who will nurture your heart so that you can nurture your child.

Partner with the Holy Spirit to self-soothe in healthy ways. It may be very painful to experience negative feelings as these feelings often feel intense as an adult. You can self soothe in several ways:

• When you feel negative feelings ( pain, rejection, shame) put your hands on your belly and take a deep breath—in through your nose and out your mouth ( 3x)
• Speak your feelings aloud to yourself. Sometimes it helps to hear your reasoning in third person.
• Journal your feelings. Your thoughts if not addressed manifests itself into anxiety or even nightmares. It is important to put your thoughts down somewhere and the safest place is in a personal journal. I have a journal that I have titled therapy with the Holy Spirit.  These journaling moments  with the Holy Spirit have been so therapeutic because the Lord knows how to heal in ways that only He knows how to do.

6) Do not Fear abandonment or rejection

You might be experiencing a great deal of guilt and shameful feelings to use your true voice (your authentic self). 

When I was younger, I often feared speaking up for myself because I  was  silenced and told that my opinions did not matter by my mother.  I feared losing her love and acceptance so I would submit to what she told me so that she would not reject me. If this sounds like your childhood, then you more than likely have a mother wound. It is important to give these fears of abandonment and rejection to God. I learned that I was not an orphan but a child of God when I learned about my inheritance and identity as a daughter. 

Highlighted Scripture Verse:

You have received a spirit of adoption, through which we cry, “Abba Father!” The Spirit itself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and joint-heirs with Christ, if only we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him” (Romans 8: 15-17).

7) Self judgment, self- criticism, and comparisons 

Mothers with mother wounds will try to pass on the burden of self-judgment and self-criticism onto their daughters as a self-preservation technique.

 A  mother that is very hard on herself will think about the many mistakes that she made overtime in her life. She will continue to live in that place of being overly critical to protect herself from making more mistakes in life or she  may compare her daughter with another child to list things that might appear better, more beautiful, or exciting. 

You can overcome self judgment, self-criticism, and comparisons by doing the exact opposite:

• Instead of criticizing yourself for any shortcomings, speak words of positive affirmations. Counteract any lies with the truth of God’s word. 
• Stop comparing yourself with others accomplishments, beauty, or fame and start comparing yourself to God’s standards of purity, love, and joy. 
• Do whatever is lovely, pure…Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

8) Fear of displeasing your mother or you look for her approval 

If your mother would get upset easily with you for not sacrificing your own wishes or needs for her or if you would ask her before making important life decisions than this a sign of mother wounds. 

It’s okay to make your own decisions and choices without your mother’s approval. The healing strategy is believing that it is  okay to just BE who you are and not strive to be the version of your mother’s wishes. It is important to realize this need to please your mother is derived out of FEAR and not love. God is love and with Him He can remove all fear from your heart if you let him. 

Mother Wound Journal Prompts

As you are going through this journey of healing from mother wounds, it is important to process the pain in a safe way. The Holy Spirit will help you to discover any roots or causes to mother wounds in your soul.

I found that the Holy Spirit was able to heal me from so much trauma and pain through writing in my journal. I learned so much about myself ( true and false self), my fears, and who God called me to be. As you prayer journal, you may find that the Holy Spirit will continue to unveil to you hidden mysteries about women in your bloodline, their trauma and it’s connection to your mother and how it was passed down to you.

These are some of the Journal prompts that helped me in my healing journey. I pray that it will help you to heal so that you can begin to feel whole as a mother.

Remember! When you are nurtured and loved by God, you will be able to nurture and love your child without any reservations or things in your past holding you back.

Learn more on how to self soothe and prayer journal

Learn more about mother wounds here:

How To Discover The Mother Wound-Root Issues To Overcome

Ultimate Guide on the Mother Wound-Steps to Overcome

10 Key Signs of Rejection In Utero- How to Overcome

Do you need coaching on how to mother yourself or any mother wounds? Consider booking a coaching session with me.

Summary: 

Healing from the mother wound and  strategies that you can apply right now.  

Attach to the Father’s heart

Set boundaries 

Detach from the mother’s wound

Do not fear abandonment or rejection and MORE…