Toxic mothers who carry emotional baggage will often pass on their trauma onto to their daughters. The emotional trauma can sometimes manifest itself as trauma dumping. The dumping is a behavior that is learned as an unhealthy coping mechanism tactic.
Here are some signs of emotional trauma to look for to determine if you are oversharing your trauma story with your daughter.
Emotional Trauma dumping: secret weapon
When toxic mothers talk with their daughters, they will often find themselves oversharing their trauma with their daughter which results in a toxic bond. Toxic moms push past the feelings that maybe this is not appropriate to share with their child. But they are resolute in their pursuit to fulfill the need to be heard and seen by someone that does not have the capacity to carry their burdens.
Pride and rebellion is the root issue:
Pride is usually the root issue here because toxic moms find it satisfies them to be able to rule over their child’s emotional well-being or lack of consent to hear such traumatic events or situations. Lucifer fell from heaven because of his pride and his need to steal God’s glory Ezekiel 28:17. The devil became so prideful of his own beauty and power that he attempted to raise himself above God. This is what happens with trauma dumping because the toxic mother sees herself as receiving all of the glory when sharing her pain.
Trauma dumping can also cause both spiritual and emotional incest because of the root of rebellion. Emotional incest is not sexual but in the mind of a child’s heart, an emotional incest occurs because the child did not consent to the dumping and it goes against the order of a godly parent-child relationship. Lucifer also was kicked out of heaven because he rebelled against God’s divine order in relationship. He did not view God as King of Glory but someone to overrule.
The relationship of a mom with her daughter should be nurturing. The daughter should feel safe to be in the presence of her mother without the pressure of being designated as the fixer to her past trauma.
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Projecting emotional Trauma: pain is ammunition
What is projection?
Projection is another form of trauma dumping in which the mother gives a mental view of how she sees herself but projects it like vomit onto the daughter. The view is usually a false reality based on the mother’s feelings, thoughts, emotions, and even her will. Mothers who were emotionally wounded in childhood use this defense mechanism as a way to protect themselves.
When I was a young child ( 9 or 10 years old), I remember my mother projected a lot of false realities that she wanted me to take on as my identity. She used word curses such as ” no man is going to want to marry you” when I decided to move out of the house ( this was her own fear of losing me to a man that would potentially marry me). She also told me to ask God to take away my healthy sex drive until it was time for me to get married ( she projected her own fears about sex onto me).
Related post:Toxic Projection: How to Master Your Emotions Today
Switching Roles-Emotional Trauma
Toxic mothers will play the switching roles game. They will play the child role, in hopes that the daughter will assume the role of “mother,” nurturer, and caretaker in the home. Mothers who behave this way have a root emotional trauma issue. They have unmet emotional needs that requires healing and restorative work.
Signs of Switching Roles
- Depression and seeking the daughter to uplift her
- Having children as a teenager or very early age
- Being rejected by maternal parent at a young age or rejection in utero
- The toxic mom’s parents experienced emotional trauma and attachment issues
- Substance abuse ( drinking heavily, drug use etc.)
Toxic moms imagine their child never leaving them
Mothers with toxic codependency issues are afraid of their daughters leaving them to transitions in life (new career, husband, children). The mother will tell the daughter over the years how she will need her to survive in the world. But she does this to keep the daughter attached to her and to fulfill her emotional desire to be needed.
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