I am going to be honest here and say that I grieve being childless at least 5 times a day! I know that is a lot, but there is an ache and great disappointment that is hard to ignore. If you are going through pain for not having children, I want to tell you that you are not alone. Your dream of having children is a gift that God placed inside of you. But there are times you will need to grieve this dream with God’s help so that you can see the bigger picture.
What is a childless woman?
Being childless in society terms is when a woman does not have children during her child-bearing age. Many women who are between the ages of 35 and up, will often experience their biological clock ticking especially when they see other women settling down with homes, husbands, and children.
Social media doesn’t make it any easier either because mothers will constantly post videos and pictures of their little ones in cute outfits and cute little moments of their child’s first crawl or walk. Sometimes the cuteness becomes too much to take on.
How to Grieve Being Childless
Give up your child-dream on the Altar of God
I had to relinquish the dream of having children to the Lord. This also meant that I needed to give my life to the Lord. This life is no longer mine. It belongs to the Lord because He is sovereign. He ultimately knows more than I could ever dream or imagine. One night after communion, I realized that I was holding onto my life because I feared not only my dream dying but also dying a physical death. I was afraid that I would not be able to live my life to experience motherhood and being a wife.
God showed me that once I submitted to him both fears then I would be set free. You see, we are not promised tomorrow but those that are in Christ Jesus are promised to be in eternity with God.
The dream of having children is met in Jesus
The dream of having children is a need that is met through encountering God’s presence. Children are a gift from God that women get to birth onto this earth. Women that are childless are not really childless when they are in God’s presence. God has given you this child-dream to manifest His full glory on this earth.
Related post: The Mother of Jesus in the Bible: Mary, her Life
Let’s look at Mary. God the father, had a dream to reconcile with Man. So, what did He do? He planted His dream inside of Mary with the power of the Holy Spirit. The dream became a reality in the womb of Mary. She birthed Jesus supernaturally and was appointed by God to fulfill this assignment.
Did having Jesus supernaturally disqualify her from motherhood? Quite the contrary. She was called to be a mother not based on physical qualifications but by Father God’s Heavenly qualifications. To put it simply, God qualifies you to be a mother.
What are you doing with your child-dream?
The mystery in all of this is that the dream of having a child is a gift to be exercised in other ways. The Lord called me to motherhood two years ago when I wrote my ebook, Motherhood Simplified by God. He showed me the truth about what motherhood really looks like from His perspective.
I was amazed with how God mothered me through my healing journey from trauma and mother wounds. The Holy Spirit nurtured and cared for me like a young baby. I felt safe and comforted by the presence of God in my life.
Then the Lord called me to motherhood. The “children” in my life became women that I mentored on the topics of nurture and son-ship. The more that I poured into a woman’s life, the more God showed me how this God dream would one day be about leading a mentorship group for mothers and daughters (Mother’s Crowning Daughters), spiritually adopting children, and potentially opening up a school (Papa’s school) to equip children to walk like God’s sons and daughters.
Be Thankful- Have a heart of Gratitude
Be thankful to God for what He has already done instead of things that He hasn’t done. When we dwell on things that are not yet met, we fool ourselves into believing that God is not sufficient in fulfilling our every need or desire.
Do you know that the will of God is that you thank Him for every situation that you experience on this earth?
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”1 Thessalonians 5:18
God wants you to thank him because peace will take root in your heart instead of regret, bitterness, and disappointment. These negative emotions taint your heart from seeing and hearing God. Your heart has eyes and ears too. When you rejoice and sing praises to God, your heart will hear the goodness of God and SEE the very person-hood of the great Almighty! The Great I am.
God likes to confound the wise
Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful1 Corinthians 1:27
The world says that you are only defined by motherhood if you have a child by birth or adoption. But God says that you are a mother if you are nurturing others with love and great care. You see this world needs more mothering. You have mothers that hate motherhood and are parenting through trauma and pain.
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How God confounds the wise:
- God calls me a mother even though I have not birthed children of my own
- Mary was called to motherhood as a virgin woman
- Sarah had children into her late years
In all of these situations, God’s glory is and was manifested on this earth. His presence is Heaven coming to earth and it’s fullness. Don’t put God in a box. He is much bigger than your box. Make your child-dream be centered on Jesus being the bigger picture.
Continue reading on the womb of a woman: