Have you ever wondered if you have ever experienced true love or conditional love? In the world that we live in, many people use words such as “ I love you” to show their affection towards you. But how do you know if their words are truly coming from a place of unconditional love? 

What is conditional love?

Conditional love is “contractual” or meeting expectations of someone in exchange for being loved.  As humans, we have needs that motivate us to reach our full potential in this world. Some of those needs are physiological, feeling safe,  feeling loved and that you belong to someone.  

God in his infinite ways knew this when he said that it is not good for man to be alone ( Genesis 2:18). He followed up with “ I will make a suitable mate for him. Suitable in this context can mean companion, compatible,  and someone that suits you very well.  In essence, someone that is similar to you and that will help you. 

Conditional love Vs. Unconditional love

Unconditional love will manifest itself as safe, esteeming ( uplifting), loving, or give you a sense of being accepted and connected to someone. `In retrospect, conditional love is the opposite in that it is self seeking, tears other people down so that they can be lifted up, unsafe, sometimes traumatizing, and a love that will abandon you without a moment’s notice.

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Signs of Conditional Love

Conditional Love

Selfish Desires

Have you experienced someone only coming to you when they want something from you but refuse to be available when you need them?

I have seen people manipulate others by being kind towards them only because their true intentions were to take from the other person. Selfish behavior only wants to feed its own ego by taking others resources, their knowledge, or possessions. 

Related article: How To Spot A Narcissistic Mother- Signs to overcome

Impatient and rude 

Have you ever been driving in heavy traffic and had people cut you off while driving or honk and flash their headlights at you to get you to move faster?

Impatience and rudeness goes hand and hand because it says that it wants its desires to be satisfied at this very instant. If those desires remain unmet, then impatient behavior will occur:

  • skipping in line at a grocery store
  • pushing someone out of the way
  • yelling over someone speaking
  • not allowing others to finish their conversation.

Conditional love is envious and proud 

Envy is a sign that there is a lack of love that is perfected inside of you. Someone that is envious will compare themselves to other people’s achievements, success, or way of doing life. 

Conditional love is arrogant 

People that are arrogant see themselves as being superior to others. They might show themselves with grandiose and narcissistic traits. Their language is usually immersed in “ better than” “higher than” “ the best”  or “greater than.” They are not content with being humble and meek. 

Conditional love is controlling

Some people will try to control a person’s  life so that they can get their desires met. They might manipulate the person by using statements such as “ if you love me, then you would do what I tell you.” Often what they are telling you to do, goes against your better judgment.

Narcissistic people operate out of conditional love. They will control you with shame and guilt trips. They might also use the silent treatment to control your behavior. 

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