The role of a Father is to protect and to guide their child in the ways of the Lord. But father wounds can often leave a mark on an adult child’s soul. I realized that in my healing journey as a daughter to an abusive father, God showed me how I can overcome the pain that my father inflicted on me by leaning on the Lord’s ever present help.
As a little girl, I remember fondly of my dad picking me up in his big arms to place me on top of his shoulders. On his shoulders, I was able to see everything in front of me. Things looked more interesting (I wanted to grab onto everything that I saw). I would lay my head back with the sun beating on my back and the warm wind touching my chest.
I pretended that I was flying and that my dad was superman!
I also loved when my dad got a little creative with spins and twirling me around in his arms. The best part for me was holding my daddy’s hand while walking in scary situations like attending a kindergarten class for the first time.
I remember my dad being a giant… No one messed with me at school. My peers met my dad when he would drop me off in the mornings, and they would say, ” her daddy is tall, don’t mess with her.” Oh, what a feeling I had, knowing that even when my father was not physically present, I still felt protected. My dad’s presence intimated them.
Father wounds is when a father wounds the heart of a child in three ways:
- Neglect in providing emotional, spiritual, and physical support and guidance
- Absent from critical or developmental stages in a child’s life
- Abusive/overly critical towards a child
Father wounds entered my life when I became a teenager and the feeling of protection slowly faded away as I grew into an adult child. My mother’s narcissistic abuse ruled the home and my father stopped being a protector of my heart ( neglected my emotional well-being). He turned into a monster. I did not recognize him as my father but someone who enabled my mother’s insults and lies.
When I moved out of the house, he called me on my birthday to say to me ” you are the reason why your mother can’t sleep at night.” ( Absent in my independent stage of being an adult). With just his words, my superhero dad turned into a giant bully, striking me with fear, shame, and guilt ( abusive and critical spirit). You see, I developed father wounds unknowingly.
Healing Father Wounds Tip #1
Take an inventory of your life to see if you ever experienced neglect, absenteeism, or abuse from your father.
Signs of Father Wounds
- You often fear rejection or the disapproval of others
- You have fear of abandonment so you may cling to your children
- You find your worth and value in how you are seen by the men in your life and you may place a title of “father” to those men
- You don’t feel safe or protected when making important life decisions so you look to your children to validate you or you may fear failure
- You might be overly critical with yourself
- You may have a performance mentality- ” if you do it perfectly, then you __ “( fill in the blank)
It is important to look into these signs and to ask yourself if you identify with any of them. Then ask yourself if you are seeing Father God in the same way. As you do this, you may begin to understand that although your earthly father was imperfect, your Heavenly Father is perfect in stepping in the role of being your father.
God is love and in Him we can be truly fathered to perfection.
Related post: The Love of Father God: Receive Love After Trauma
Daddy’s Super girl- God healed my father wounds
On my journey towards healing and wholeness, I met my true protector- God almighty. He not only replaced my dad’s role of protecting my heart, he also invited me to dwell in His heart. In exchange, He would also live in my heart. I became His dwelling place for him to do a supernatural work of restoring fragmented pieces of my soul.
In my loneliness, He whispered to me, “my princess, you are daddy’s super girl. You have my very nature and power residing inside of you! You can fly and soar above all obstacles. Like sitting on your daddy’s shoulders, I will lift you up on high to fly with me, as long as you put your hope in me. “
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.Isaiah 40:31
Healing Father wounds tip # 2
You become God’s super girl when you place your trust in the Lord. As you heal from father wounds, remember “greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.” ( 1 John 4:4).
Holy Spirit was with you in the womb
Before I was born, God knew me. The Holy Spirit ( God’s power) was with me in my mother’s womb. When I got this realization, I said to God, “I want to be your super girl, daddy.” At that moment, I felt the presence of God touch my body and fill me with peace.
You formed my innermost being, shaping my delicate inside and my intricate outside, and wove them all together in my mother’s womb.Psalm 139:13
The passion translation says God placed an eternal spirit inside of the child within the mother’s womb. That eternal spirit is the Holy Spirit. It also says that a guardian angel is assigned to the to the child to watch over him or her. I learned 3 years ago through a prophetic word from a brother in Christ, that my guardian angel, Kara which means in Greek “to read or proclaim”, read over me Psalm 91 when I was sleeping.
I believe this angel has been “covering” (watching over me) since I was born. The Lord knew Satan’s assignment on my life but God’s plans were far superior.
Healing Father wounds tip #3
You are God’s beloved child from your mother’s womb. Accept that even if your father abandoned you, God will never leave you.
You have God’s spiritual DNA and Power
I became Daddy’s super girl the evening that I accepted that I was His daughter and that His living power and presence resides in me! He created me to bring God’s kingdom down here on earth and to share the life-saving message of His love towards His people. I was no longer my earthly dad’s little girl, I became far more greater than that when God adopted me. Through the spirit of adoption, I became lowly in spirit and high in God’s love for me. He said to me “ you are stronger than you think you are!” Under the shadow of my father’s wings, I am protected, strong, and powerful.
Healing Father wounds tip #4
When you look in the eyes of God ( His heart), accept that you were made to be in His image and in His likeness. When you accept the Lord as your savior ( your superhero in the spirit) than you will inherit all of His Kingdom and all that is in Him.
My daddy and Protector- Who’s your daddy?
You see, when my dad failed in protecting me from my mother, God stepped in and became my protector. He demonstrated this to me throughout my life. He did it in several ways…
Jesus my protector through intercession
When I went through severe demonic oppression from having soul wounds, God interceded on my behalf. He sang songs of deliverance over me and spoke words of love into my soul. He declared over me that I was not the sins of my parents. My true character is solely defined in Him. He gave me a new heart.
God wants to create in you a new heart through prayer and intercession. He is standing in the gap and praying to the Father for you to rise above your current circumstances and to realize that you are a victor and not a victim.
He sent my guardian angel to protect my soul from torment. He read Psalms 91 over me while I slept so that I would feel safe and secure in the arms of Daddy God.
The Holy Spirit-protector through nurture
The Holy Spirit protected me through nurture. He took me in His arms like a mother and mothered me. When I dealt with mother wounds, He showered me with love and took me on a journey of rediscovering myself as a woman and now as a mother to a generation.
Father God who watches over and prepares a way for me
God prepared a way for me. In my book of life, he has every detail of my life written to perfection.
You saw who you created me to be before I became me! Before I’d ever seen the light of day, the number of days you planned for me were already recorded in your bookPsalm 139: 16 ( Passion Translation)
I don’t know about you but I gain satisfaction in knowing that God has plans specifically laid out for me. I don’t have to worry about tomorrow because he already prepared it in advance for me. It is a guarantee that as long as I follow God’s path, he will lead me to where I am supposed to go in life. This is protection personified!
Healing Father wounds Tip #5
Ask yourself who’s your daddy in God? Is God the daddy that is always there for you? Is He someone that never neglects your emotional hang ups? Who is daddy God to you? For me, God was always there, he adopted me into his royal family, and never abused me. The theme in my life was that He is and was my PROTECTOR! As you take the time to ask yourself these questions, you will begin to see the running theme of God in your life.
Need more inspiration? Listen to this powerful clip from Priscilla Shirer on Who’s your daddy?
Who’s your Daddy?
Father Wounds Healing Prayer
Heavenly Father and my Daddy!
I have father wounds and I need you to heal me from my father neglecting my emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. I pray that you replace those needs in your infinite glory. I also pray that you will heal me from feeling abandoned, shame, or the feeling of not being enough.
My father does not owe me anything and I also do not owe my father anything in this life. I release Him to you and I ask you to heal my earthly father. Infuse in Him the ability to father and to be the man you created him to be.
I accept the spirit of adoption and that I am your child forever! I love you completely and know that you are with me.
I love you daddy God,
Your daughter and yours forever!