Growing up in a toxic home, I noticed negative traits in the women from my extended family. I am talking about silent treatments, holding grudges, and abusive conversations to gain control of others. I later realized that these patterns of behavior had a name- generational trauma.
Generational trauma can be described as any unresolved traumatic events in your life that was passed on for many generations. As a mother, you may not be able to understand why your parenting is toxic or experience difficulty relating with your children, spouse, or children.
It is now time to break generational patterns in your life that is holding you back from being the mother you always dreamed that you could be to your child.
Examples of generational Trauma
Generational trauma can show up in several ways in your life that you may have missed in your motherhood journey. See if you identify with any of the symptoms below:
Your child reminds you of your childhood pain or traumatic life events
It is difficult for you to celebrate your child’s success or wins in life
You project your pain or fears
You communicate in toxic ways ( e.g., gaslighting, silent treatments, word curses, lies)
You bond with your child through your trauma ( trauma bonding, love bombing)
You may abuse your child physically, spiritually, and emotionally
You get jealous of your daughter’s relationship with other women
What causes generational Trauma?
Generational trauma can develop through unresolved family issues. Those issues can be pain from mother wounds, soul wounds, verbal abuse, or sexual and emotional trauma. For instance, some mothers may have learned in childhood that yelling obscenities at children gets them to follow instructions. So in adulthood, mothers who may have felt fear or pain from the verbal abuse, learn to parent from childhood trauma. They may also mother their children with the same verbal abuse and project similar feelings of what they experienced in childhood. This is how trauma is passed down through generations.
Break generational trauma
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.Romans 12:2
Renew your mind
It is important to renew your mind with the word of God. The word of God is like a two edged sword that will cut through any lies that may be projected onto your soul. Generational trauma continues as a cycle because of the lack of God’s truth being consumed in a family blood line.
When you allow the word of God to change the way that you think instead of following after those that engage in unhealthy behavior patterns in your family, the more you will realize that you are a new creature in Christ.
I dealt with intrusive sexual thoughts for many years. I had an unhealthy obsession with purity and refused to feel anything sexual in my body. The Holy Spirit revealed to me that my thinking had to change because I was in constant fear of being sexually violated. My mother was raped at a very young age and projected her fears of sex onto me.
I had to accept that purity is not in how pure I thought I was. It had to be rooted in the purity of living a life free from tormenting thoughts and anxiety. I needed to encounter God’s rest and be still in knowing that His love trumps fear. I was free and fear was no longer my punishment. This was God’s will for my life.
Accept Sonship in your life
The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.Romans 8:16-17
As a child of God, you inherit God’s kingdom. God’s kingdom is within you when you decide to accept your inheritance. Your inheritance is to live free as a child of God. But you must enter God’s kingdom by faith and you must be born again from above. What does this mean? It means that you must be born again of water and spirit. The water is a symbol for the word of God and the spirit is His Spirit flowing through you. Allow the word God to refresh your soul by meditating on the scriptures and accept how the flow of the Holy Spirit moves in your life.
You also enter into God’s kingdom by having a child mindset. Little children are very impressionable and are willing to believe and trust in anything you tell them as a parent. Be willing to be a son or daughter of God by being childlike.
Pray and declare God’s promises
Pray the scriptures and the promises of God for your life. Prayer is a weapon that can dismantle the plans of the enemy in your life and any familiar spirits ( false spirits that are assigned to keep a generation in a negative cycle). It is a battle that you have already won in Christ Jesus. Prayer or battle prayers is your agreement with God that you believe in His will for your life.
Here are several scriptures that you can read and pray:
God’s Promises Are Yes and Amen!
For all of God’s promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding “Yes!” And through Christ, our “Amen” (which means “Yes”) ascends to God for his glory.2 Corinthians 1:20 NLT
God’s Promise of Provision
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.Phillipians 4:19
God’s Promise to Protect You
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.Isaiah 41:10
Read other ways to overcome generational trauma:
Mom Grace After Trauma: What You Should Know Now
Battle Ready Prayer- Overcome Trauma Now
Trauma Prayers: Overcome Trauma Now and for the Future
Childhood Trauma in Adulthood: How to Heal