Scrupulosity, also referred to as religious OCD, is a specific type of obsessive-compulsive disorder that manifests in individuals experiencing intrusive thoughts related to their salvation and moral living. This can lead to excessive praying, fasting, and other rituals in an attempt to alleviate the fear of falling short. Unfortunately, those struggling with scrupulosity may not be aware of the signs to watch out for on their journey towards recovery.
In this article, we will explore several key indicators that can greatly affect the daily functioning and mental health of individuals grappling with scrupulosity.
Signs of scrupulosity
1. Intrusive thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are like those annoying pop-up ads on a website – they just keep coming back no matter how hard you try to ignore them. These thoughts are basically beliefs that have been drilled into your brain since you were a young child. You might get inundated with thoughts that are sexual about God, a friend, or family member. You might also get thoughts that you might hurt someone at unforeseen times like during a church sermon or while talking with your boss at work.
2. Feeling not good enough
The root of scrupulosity is rejection. It’s that feeling that you’re just not good enough for love, acceptance, or admiration. It’s like being left out of the cool kids’ club.
If you need some examples, let’s refer to the Bible. Lucifer got kicked out of heaven because he thought he was too good for God. And then there’s Adam and Eve, who got kicked out of Eden for not following God’s commandment because they judged the concept of goodness based off their own understanding. They chose their own way over God’s way.
The devil loves to mess with your mind by making you feel rejected. He’ll try to convince you that you’re not worthy of love – from God or anyone else. He’ll make you feel like you have to jump through hoops just to prove your worth. But here’s the real deal: you are worthy of love, no matter what. Jesus already showed us that on the cross. So next time those intrusive thoughts start creeping in, just remember that you are loved, no matter what.
3. Excessive Prayer life
I grew up seeing women in my family praying excessively as if they were afraid that they would disappoint God. My mother would pray up to 5 times per day and at specific times. I noticed her compulsive tendencies to stare at the clock and say matter-of-factly, ” I have to pray” or if she missed prayer, she would get up quickly in a frenzy to run to her room to say another prayer or recite several Bible verses. In a way, it was like she was paying God in exchange for salvation and to alleviate any fears that she was coping with at the time.
As an adult, I used to stay up late praying all night, hoping that God would hear my prayers. I was scared that demons would come after me while I slept if I didn’t pray enough. Throughout my healing process, I found myself constantly praying to seek God’s approval. I asked for forgiveness for my sins and for any intrusive thoughts, in hopes that God would protect me from negative words spoken over me.
4. Reading the Bible from a distorted view
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
When reading the Bible, I often found myself misinterpreting certain passages and distorting their true meaning. I would sometimes focus too much on the literal words, rather than trying to understand the biblical principles in the scriptures. For example, I used to see verses 1 John 4:18 as judgment and that God would punish me if I did not follow God’s rules perfectly.
I did not realize that it is my honor (delight) to search out the inner meaning of God’s word and it is the glory of God to “hide” that word in His loving presence. God is looking for royal lovers! He wants to hide who I am ( priest, queen, daughter) in His word. He also wants my purpose to be about enjoying fellowship with Him as I listen to His word being spoken over me.
5. Rehearsing in your mind
Rumination is the relentless cycle of thoughts that consume your mind, replaying scenarios and creating elaborate storylines. It’s when you find yourself unable to escape the grasp of a problem, envisioning all the possible outcomes. You may even invent characters, like the voice of an emotional abuser haunting your thoughts.
I have come to realize that rumination leaves me feeling anxious and perpetually on edge, as if I am burdened with the responsibility of fixing past events. The weight of these thoughts is suffocating, trapping me in a never-ending cycle of worry and doubt.
6. Fear of the devil
Many people that suffer with scrupulosity may struggle with the fear of the devil. Fears may erupt about what the devil might do to them if they dishonor God or sin in some way. Some people may even fear saying the devil’s name. In their minds, they inadvertently believe the devil and demons have more power. But the devil is an accuser of the brethren and is on a mission to accuse God’s children with condemnation, shame, doubt, and guilt.
8. PTSD
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) can stem from unresolved trauma and the coping mechanisms used to manage emotions.
– Projecting negative feelings onto others
Some of these emotional distractions include:
- Denying anything is wrong
- Stopping yourself from feeling any painful or uncomfortable emotions
- Depression
- Reverting back to infant-like behavior
- Transgression
- Projecting your uncomfortable feelings onto other people
9. Flashbacks (memories)
Flashbacks are moments when you are suddenly transported back to a traumatic event, reliving the experience with the emotional abuser. For some people, these flashbacks can unexpectedly occur while doing everyday tasks like washing clothes or dishes. It could be a certain smell, word, or sound that triggers these intense memories.
10. Physical sensations
Scrupulosity can also manifests itself as bodily sensations. When your body is constantly under extreme stress, it becomes more vulnerable to physical ailments and body aches. I once experienced feeling heaviness in my body while lying on a bed. It was difficult to move my ligaments as they felt like heavy bricks.
